I have a completely filled heart. This week i fond my self feeling like i am living. I am disappointed to say that i check out last week and it sucks, I missed so many amazing things that i could have been a part of and so at the beginning of the week i talked to my roommate, and i said that i am going to be a part of this week. I was going to live.
To live here is the most amazing thing of all time.
I lived by
-Working on a high ropes in the dark from 7 to 11, because we where going to have a youth group face changes together.
-Hiking Handie's at 6 to peak and watch the sun set and then hike down it in pitch dark.
-To plan both a water fight, and a Christmas focused scavenger hunt.
-To just stay here to focus on helping before on my self.
Life is full. And i am loving it. Its hard and there has been plenty of hard things that have been resting on my heart, but i have to feel to live, no matter what the feeling are. I am just trusting God with what life will bring and what it looks like to have change, but he is going to take care of me so i can do is sit in that. I wish that i was not half way thought the summer it has gone and is going way to fast.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Me but maybe not me
hello readers,
Well i am just about at the half point of my summer. I have seen God in so many new and exciting ways. I have probably over 50 new brothers and sister in christ. And none of that had anything to do with me. I have been pushed, shrunk, streched, scracked, and stuffed into a tea pot. I am not who i was when i left San Antonio 4 weeks ago.
BUt with my life now in a place of change i do believe that i am still trying to figure out who i am. Being a camp counselor has caused me to question who i am, i know my dreams and they have not changed, but i find my self not requiring my self to be as serious, or mature up here. I chased two of my friends all over campus because we were having an epic marshmallow battle. I say and act differently then i have in what feels like a long time. And there are parts of me that really enjoy that but it feels disruptive to my past in these place where this is not who I am. It feels as if the wall of my life have turned to jell-o and they no longer hold the same things. There atoms have been disrupted. I don't know if it is the feeling of freedom or just because that high energy is what the kids have given me. BUt questions and feeling have been awaken in me.
Yet in the midst of this abrupt feelings, i have peace. A peace that no one can give you. It is only from God. It is the whisper of " You are mine, you are in my hands, and you just need to rest in what i am doing." i know who i am. But i think that this is me fighting for who i am going to be. Redcloud has been a place of safety but i have always had a label on me, that label is no longer on me, and neither is the label of high school student. I am my own person. I am reminded of the quote from Alice in Wonderland where alice says," From the moment i fell down that rabbit hole i’ve been told what i must do and who i must be.........I've been accuesed of being alice and of not being alice but this is my dream .ill decided where it gose from here." Yet she was Alice and her path was always before her. She took the path that was laid without out knowing where it would lead her yet it took her to the answers that she needed to hear. Which was who she was. My nickname up here is Wonderland. And my path is leading me to a place that i can not understand and grasp but i have a very strange feeling that by the end of this journey i will find a very similar answer to Alice's. I think that God is showing me who i need to be and what i want to be. And how to achieve getting my muchness.
THe Hatter- "Your not the same as you where before
You where much more muchyer
You have lost your muchness . "
Alice- "My muchness?"
The Hatter- "In there somethings missing."
Well i am just about at the half point of my summer. I have seen God in so many new and exciting ways. I have probably over 50 new brothers and sister in christ. And none of that had anything to do with me. I have been pushed, shrunk, streched, scracked, and stuffed into a tea pot. I am not who i was when i left San Antonio 4 weeks ago.
BUt with my life now in a place of change i do believe that i am still trying to figure out who i am. Being a camp counselor has caused me to question who i am, i know my dreams and they have not changed, but i find my self not requiring my self to be as serious, or mature up here. I chased two of my friends all over campus because we were having an epic marshmallow battle. I say and act differently then i have in what feels like a long time. And there are parts of me that really enjoy that but it feels disruptive to my past in these place where this is not who I am. It feels as if the wall of my life have turned to jell-o and they no longer hold the same things. There atoms have been disrupted. I don't know if it is the feeling of freedom or just because that high energy is what the kids have given me. BUt questions and feeling have been awaken in me.
Yet in the midst of this abrupt feelings, i have peace. A peace that no one can give you. It is only from God. It is the whisper of " You are mine, you are in my hands, and you just need to rest in what i am doing." i know who i am. But i think that this is me fighting for who i am going to be. Redcloud has been a place of safety but i have always had a label on me, that label is no longer on me, and neither is the label of high school student. I am my own person. I am reminded of the quote from Alice in Wonderland where alice says," From the moment i fell down that rabbit hole i’ve been told what i must do and who i must be.........I've been accuesed of being alice and of not being alice but this is my dream .ill decided where it gose from here." Yet she was Alice and her path was always before her. She took the path that was laid without out knowing where it would lead her yet it took her to the answers that she needed to hear. Which was who she was. My nickname up here is Wonderland. And my path is leading me to a place that i can not understand and grasp but i have a very strange feeling that by the end of this journey i will find a very similar answer to Alice's. I think that God is showing me who i need to be and what i want to be. And how to achieve getting my muchness.
THe Hatter- "Your not the same as you where before
You where much more muchyer
You have lost your muchness . "
Alice- "My muchness?"
The Hatter- "In there somethings missing."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)