A Week

I am going into what feels like its going to be the hardest week and a half of school. And I have recently brought the best song ever that feels like it totally speaks to me durning this week. I totally love it. But I have recognized sense being at moody that I am really quite around most of my friends because I don't know them very well, but my best friend up here is my roommate Hannah and she knows all to well who I really am, so we have been laughing at the fact that if any one else heard this song they would freak out. I have learned that oh yes I am much more edgie than most of the students here. And truth be told it makes me happy. I am doing really well since my last post. God has been amazing and i am am just resting in each day. But i am ready for break. My plan is to ready ever harry potter book, re-read my shannon hale books, finish alice in wonderland, and four loves by the end of break. Plus discover the best cafe, and bistro's in Kalamazoo, and them get a good look at moody chicago. But i am ready to see all your bright and shinny faces. I am counting on dance party's with Bethany, Darin and Wyatt boy, going on a coffee walk with Tim, garbing coffee with Tom filled with lots of random questions and probably ending with me crying again : ), starting my bible study with Janie, visiting each of my everyone who was one of my references for chicago, and hanging out with everyone in the great state of Texas. 15th come soon.
For a amazing verse-

Psalm 42:5
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

What God has already done in 5 hours

I feel as if i leave my last post completely by its self that i will cause much alarm in you my readers. I am truly ok, just trying to live life and finding it hard to live.

I talked to one of my best friends from camp today and fond that i literally felt 10 times better after taking to her. We just sat in where life is hard for us right now, but she reminded me just how many people i have who love and support me and that i am not in this alone.

I then Skype katy, and was given a good list of ways to live, all siting at the root of trust. Trusting God that he is taking care or me.

So my dear friends. I am still struggling but i have a glimpse of hope and joy back in me tonight, and it is well in my soul.

I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed.
I have the holy spirit power.
The die has been cast.
I am a disciple if Jesus Christ.
I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed, my presence makes sense, and my future is secure.
I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, property, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity.
I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded.
I now live by the presence, learn by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.
My peace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my guide is releasable, my mission is clear.
I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up, until I have preached up, prayed up, stored up, and saved up for the cause of Christ.
I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.
I must go until he returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes.
And when he comes to get his own.
He will have no problem recognizing me.
My color will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes.

I have passed this sigh on my kitchen cabinet everyday since I got to Spokane but I am not sure that I have ever read it till today.

I am in the mist of a fight and I feel as thought I am lost. Satan has come for my joy and he has taken in. I have go into survival mode. I don't know where God is and i find my self angry at him. Asking why. Underneath i an trebling out of fear. I don't know the next step. My logical side is screaming at me to settle. That at least i will have someone, i will be comfortable, and that life will be easy. Yet there is something in my chest however small whispering. "Hold out, don't settle, i love you and have great plans for you, trust me, hear me, follow me, love me, i am here, i do care, i am the same as the first day i meet you, the day's you where running, the days you where searching, the day where you fond me, the day where you believed, the day's you fought, the days you fond me in your hopelessness, the day's you where joy fill, the days of waiting, the days of anticipation, the days of loneliness, and this day. The day you question where i am, and if i care. The day where you ask why this. The day you ask how much are you going to ask me for. Oh on this day i an even closer than you can fathom. On this day along with every other day i am with you. Hold out my love, i have so much for you, believe, fight for life, but know i am God."

I believe.

Just please be near me. Father i need you to be near to me tonight.

Reflection

On my last day of being 18 i have really been thinking about what this year has held, and then i thought about what it held for others. So i went to your blogs and this is what i found. I wrote what happened and then took my favorite part of the blog and posted it.

Katy had decided to become a writer instead of a doctor.
"But then some words from my dad came back to my mind: "I hope that you will always take the path that requires the most faith."

And then I remembered who I was and that my path has always been anything but ordinary. I began to drink in the dream I had vocalized to my adviser, that quiet and delicate dream. I began to breathe the colors of my soul into it, feeling it fully. Why should I confine myself to the precedents set for the ordinary graduate student? I realized in that moment that there are so many beautiful turns left in my story, so many unknown adventures. So, I am going to adamantly pursue a path that invites me to live full of faith and I am going to laugh in disbelief at the thrills God has written into my own story, thrills beyond what I had originally imagined."

Tim gave his readers a invitation.
"He described looking around his home and taking note of the neat artwork he had hung and realizing that he had to personal photographs to bear witness to the adventures he had lived. In this book, that was one of several indicators that he ought to get out and start living some better stories.

I want to fill my wall with stories. I want you to fill my wall with stories of places we have gone, adventures we have lived, and the things we have celebrated. I want photographic evidence that you and I are taking risks and walking this road together.

Yes, consider this an invitation."

Mom was at SALTS again.
(Posted on October 8 right before she left.)
"One more time I am getting out my suitcase.

One more time I am trying to get everyone's laundry done before I leave.

One more time I am making schedules and taping them to the cabinets in the kitchen for all to see.

One more time I am making up menus for my family.

One more time I am trying to anticipate what everyone will need while I am away.

One more time I am 23 hours from departure and feeling overwhelmed with all that needs to happen.

One more time I am heading to Michigan to help with SALT's

One more time I am gathering my materials for what I will be teaching.

One more time Mark and I are fighting against the evil that would rob us of the beauty coming as we teach together and make this trip together.

One more time I am struck with God's grace and pursuit of my heart.

One more time I am mindful of those who have poured themselves into me empowering me to do what God has called and gifted me to do.

One more time I am remembering when my journey of hope began.

One more time I am imagining the shores of Lake Michigan.

One more time I am aware that I have been Seized by Hope."

B was taking care of the little girls which means that she had no time to write but she was blessing me immensely.

Libby looked at the feeling of things becoming old.
"I’ve found that when old things become new, it is much sweeter, much richer of an experience than something that’s just new. Because despite their great potential for being used, boring, tired, stale, and monotonous, old things have character. What they lack in excitement, they can make for in durability and comfort. But all old things need to be restored over time—amidst their cracks and scars and scratches and dents, they need some newness added back into them—and it seems that the best kind of “new” can be found in the “old.” And I know that if God is as concerned with newness as He says He is, then there is plenty of opportunity for renewal and restoration in my relationship with Him and His church…and I’m starting to think that I’m desperately ready for this."

Danny found a way of living with reflecting thought music, swimming laps, and reading poetry. (written on Oct. 8th)
"i brought my journals back with me, from home, upon returning to austin on sunday. i enjoy reading through where i've been. its like i keep a summary of my life in my head, but i forget the richness of my story, the places God has led me and kept me guessing, dreaming, hoping, rejoicing, agonizing, crying, crying out, learning, wondering."

Tom was living.

And i was deciding to create my own blog.

My friends its been a year and life has moved fast. I hope this next year is filled with as many amazing memories. Thank you for writing and giving me something to say today. :)

Frist day of real college

I have come to the conclusion that my homework is still going to be around after i finish this blog so i can wright and be ok with putting it off for a wail. Today held my first real college day with K's definition or it. I had a freak out this morning. Which i fond most unfortunate because tuesdays should be my relax day.

The first part of my freak out happened at a unholy hour of the morning where i found my self waking up from a nightmare and could not go back to bed because a part of the dream was that i had not checked into class the day before so i would have an absence in that class. As i started to think the thought of oh it was only a dream i realized it was totally true. This would be the second time i had done this IN A WEEK!!! Are you freaking kidding me?

My next episode happened about 4 hours latter when i woke up from my half slumber to my roommates alarm'S(yes this S is suppose to be capitalized) and was excited about the fact that i did not have to get up because it was tuesday, but wait i was suppose to have a meeting with my college writing prof last week on tuesday........ and she could not do it.........SNAP! I HAVE A MEETING WITH MY PROF!!!!!! I knew i had luckily fixed my paper already which was the point of the meeting yet i was not ready. So i made my coffee and breakfast and ate wail checking over the paper one more time for sure, wail waiting for my roommate to get out of the bathroom so i could get in and get ready.

I jumped into the bathroom and worked on how i was going to fix my absence problem again. Time did not allow me to blow dry my hair because i still wanted to look over my notes for a quiz that would take place in an hour and a half. Which brings us to part three, my binder held everything but my homework due that day. WHERE IS THAT PAPER!?! I thought i had done it...... had i forgotten.....surly not.......I'll just print it again, i have time.......Wait its not in my folder......AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I AM SO SCREWED!!!!! ........Documents...... maybe i forgot to save it in that folder........where is it......NO!!, wait YES!!!!!! as i thought my hands in the air, victory was mine. i pressed print.

Ok, 8 min. before my meeting. I thought my binder in my backpack and ran to my meeting. I got there just in time and discussed everything i need to with my profs. Check ok now to McMath's office to face my absence. I was about to see if my practice talk with my self and the bathroom mirror was about to pay off. I knocked and poked my head into the open doorway. Him and another one of my profs were in there talking. I was welcomed in and put on a clammy yet somewhat clam smile and asked how both where doing. They smiled and said fine. And McMath asked how he could help me. I said that i had made the same mistake that i had last week and forgotten to sign into class. He smiled and walked to a cabinet with a stack of papers on top of it. He asked my name and a wave of relief came across me. I said Allison Johnson. He found my name and the paper and market it off. He then told me that he knew it was hard to remember sometimes and that i should not freak out. He then smiled in a way that told me, "yah you are not very good at hiding behind that smile." I then laughed and listened to him tell me that part of the learning process is that ever teacher will assign to much work, and you will feel overwhelmed. But they are helping us learn to breath and manage a lot at once. I smiled for real, took a breath and thanked him again. I left his office laughing at how much i was freaking out only half an hour earlier. I looked at my watch and saw that i had 30 min. left to study for my quiz that i had not been able to. I called Kaje on my way to study and laughed about my day with her for a little bit, then studied for class.

I am breathing now and laughing at how a small prayer i prayed paid off in such a small time. God took everything and made it so simple. It was a long day but it was epic. And i am looking forward to breathing and watching gLee tonight. :)

A small part of me......

Have you ever had a part of you that you did not show anyone. That it was filled with things that were so innocent, and young that it turned you into the 7 year old that you truly are. Well i do. This wondrous part of me i have not really shone to anyone. And what makes it so magical it that it open's up at certain times with out warning. My places has many keys in unlocking what magical dreams lie with in it. And one of the keys was found.

I love star wars. It is one of my favorite things about growing up. Its one of the childish things that i always think of my dad when i hear the name. I have been remembering some of the star wars movies, by watching them in order of when they where made. There is a room filled with these secrets in my place but this is not what this blog is about. this was the first half of our key. But the whole key is what i am writing about today. So i was already feeling like a kid again when me and my roommates started talking about halloween and memories we have. One of them talked about her favorite costumes and asked about mine. I have a few that come to mind but only one stands out among the other's.

I saw a movie that was absolutely amazing. It was called Arabian Knight. And i market it as my favorite movie. When we were living in portland my grandma asked what i wanted to be for halloween. I picked the princess from this movie. Her name was princess yumyum. And it was the best costume i ever had. The movie stayed my favorite and one of the memories that goes with it is when we had just moved to San Antonio for the second time. At the time we where living in a house that was owned by Wayside. But anyway i got really sick and had to stay at home for a couple days. But i did not have anything to really do but watch TV, So dad drove me to blockbuster and i fond this movie hidden in the rows. I light up and said i only wanting to get that one. When we got home i put it in and drank my awful coke and ate my sateen crackers. I watched that movie every day for like 5 days.

But just talking about halloween brought out this memory. And i went in serch of the name of the movie. After a long search i fond it and looked on youtube where the whole movie is there just cut into small parts. :) It made my day so i started watching it and plan on finishing it tomorrow. :) But i just am so excited to have upend this door. I can honestly say that i was not expecting it but i feel like i am 8 again. :) I know that there are spelling and grammar mistake in this but i really just want to let it stand. I feel like it adds to the idea. And the point of this post was that i wanted to be vulnerable and share this small part of me that you may not know not be 100% right grammatically.

Spectacular in Spokane

So last night me and my roommates had an amazing movie night. We ordered pizza, ate amazing cupcakes and watched both When in Roma, and My sassy girl. It was soooo much fun and now that i have awoken from my pizza coma, and convinced my self to go for a long run to get back into shape, i think that i can type.

I am one week in to my first semester of my freshman year. And 15 and a half weeks away from home where ever that is going to be. But I fond my self just wonder what these next couple of weeks will hold. My list so far of for sure's are.......

Coffee
Walks
Frustration
Reading
Papers
Library dates at several different universe's
Calls to home
Emails on papers
READING!!!!
Coffee
and last but not least the bible

But i thought of just how much i have no idea what it will hold. I have no idea what God is going to do in my life. I don't know that i am going to be here long but i an loving just not knowing. Many of my peers have already started filling out a transfer application to the chicago campus and it dose not make since to me. God put all of us here for a reason, and i am going to live out of that for right now. Now granite i have said and will go by this point, that if i feel God calling me to Chicago that's the day that i will fill out the application. But i love where i am. I weather, the classes, the environment, And just the city. The pace in which it moves. THe ways that its build. It's just so me. :) So right now i am Spectacular in Spokane.

First of first

I feel unable to come up with lots of words right now, but life has been very full and amazing. :)
I finished my first week of my freshman year, hurray!!!

I am so excited for all of my classes and what is happening here. This town suits me soooooo much. I love the way its set up and just the atmosphere of it. But i am aware of what i don't have here, and how its going to be hard at some points. But i am learning so much more about me. The person that i am going to be...... well it feels like the person that i am really going to be is going to form here. Or at least a big part of it will. :) SO i am really tired and i am off to sleep. :)

PS i will be more insightful with more rest.

Complementary songs

In Art class Freshman year one of the first lessons we had was on color and the need for complementary colors. They are the colors opposite and cause the image to feel balanced and equal. Aka it keeps your mind from getting a headache from a painting because of the chaos that it feeling like the subject is going though. I loved these lessons, you learned how to create intreats, passion, uniqueness, and feelings, with the most simplest of things. You allow your painting freedom to express things that you would otherwise be unable to express.

I just read a post from a friend who is in the last stages of waiting. Her husband has been in Afghanistan for the last 4 months and will be home in less than a week. She and her 2 daughters have been surviving for the past 4 months. Lib has had to face and experience things that have pushed her beyond anything that i know she would want anyone else to have to go thought. Her complementary color is missing for her life's painting causing it to be chaotic and headaches to occur. There are however places in the painting that almost have that color in it, but it is actually not the color that is needed because its a mixture of the color and her color. However beautiful and pure it is not the one true color that is needed.

As i anticipate the reuniting of the two colors i think of more complimentary elements. One thought dance, smiles, and many others.

It makes me think of my complementary color. I know its out there, even if i am not sure of where it is yet, i am aware of the idea of what it could be. What color it could be, and just the knowledge that i have encounters complementary things before, and they are a joy to see and experience.

Right now my itunes is on shuffle. A habit that a friend thought me. A song from an album that i recently acquired is playing. I have heard a lot of songs from this album and this is one of my favorites. There are sounds on this album and on my itunes that complement this album. That make me smile just as much as i did the day i got the album.

Right now i have no complementary color, but i have an idea of what it could be and i have complementary songs. :)

So yes i am still alive and breathing. I have just been in a place of, i can't wright because i am living, and not that i am not living right now i am just in a place where life needs to be lived though words.

This summer changed my life. I fond new things. Friendships where made, loss was experienced, tears where let out, blood was shed, faith was fond, and life was lived.

I am different in how i view life, in how i felt like me and where i let myself slid. I miss everyone and everything form this summer and wish sometimes for more time. But that was not my path. And i will stay on my path. Even if it is narrow. I know that none of this is making since but its eclectic and weird and i enjoy it. :) It feels like i have no words just pictures come to mind so here are some to go along with this post.

Just words on a page that talk about living.

I have a completely filled heart. This week i fond my self feeling like i am living. I am disappointed to say that i check out last week and it sucks, I missed so many amazing things that i could have been a part of and so at the beginning of the week i talked to my roommate, and i said that i am going to be a part of this week. I was going to live.

To live here is the most amazing thing of all time.

I lived by
-Working on a high ropes in the dark from 7 to 11, because we where going to have a youth group face changes together.

-Hiking Handie's at 6 to peak and watch the sun set and then hike down it in pitch dark.

-To plan both a water fight, and a Christmas focused scavenger hunt.

-To just stay here to focus on helping before on my self.


Life is full. And i am loving it. Its hard and there has been plenty of hard things that have been resting on my heart, but i have to feel to live, no matter what the feeling are. I am just trusting God with what life will bring and what it looks like to have change, but he is going to take care of me so i can do is sit in that. I wish that i was not half way thought the summer it has gone and is going way to fast.

Me but maybe not me

hello readers,

Well i am just about at the half point of my summer. I have seen God in so many new and exciting ways. I have probably over 50 new brothers and sister in christ. And none of that had anything to do with me. I have been pushed, shrunk, streched, scracked, and stuffed into a tea pot. I am not who i was when i left San Antonio 4 weeks ago.

BUt with my life now in a place of change i do believe that i am still trying to figure out who i am. Being a camp counselor has caused me to question who i am, i know my dreams and they have not changed, but i find my self not requiring my self to be as serious, or mature up here. I chased two of my friends all over campus because we were having an epic marshmallow battle. I say and act differently then i have in what feels like a long time. And there are parts of me that really enjoy that but it feels disruptive to my past in these place where this is not who I am. It feels as if the wall of my life have turned to jell-o and they no longer hold the same things. There atoms have been disrupted. I don't know if it is the feeling of freedom or just because that high energy is what the kids have given me. BUt questions and feeling have been awaken in me.

Yet in the midst of this abrupt feelings, i have peace. A peace that no one can give you. It is only from God. It is the whisper of " You are mine, you are in my hands, and you just need to rest in what i am doing." i know who i am. But i think that this is me fighting for who i am going to be. Redcloud has been a place of safety but i have always had a label on me, that label is no longer on me, and neither is the label of high school student. I am my own person. I am reminded of the quote from Alice in Wonderland where alice says," From the moment i fell down that rabbit hole i’ve been told what i must do and who i must be.........I've been accuesed of being alice and of not being alice but this is my dream .ill decided where it gose from here." Yet she was Alice and her path was always before her. She took the path that was laid without out knowing where it would lead her yet it took her to the answers that she needed to hear. Which was who she was. My nickname up here is Wonderland. And my path is leading me to a place that i can not understand and grasp but i have a very strange feeling that by the end of this journey i will find a very similar answer to Alice's. I think that God is showing me who i need to be and what i want to be. And how to achieve getting my muchness.

THe Hatter- "Your not the same as you where before
You where much more muchyer
You have lost your muchness . "

Alice- "My muchness?"

The Hatter- "In there somethings missing."

Ridiculous Prayers

I have a ridiculous prayer. I have lived as a person who believed that prayer is a thing that is for us to feel like we can talk to God. But it where we allow of dreams and hope to begin to breath to have a life and to be given to God. Now we have to keep in mind that God has a will and he will have his will happen no matter what. But he tells us to come to him. We get to share our hearts with the God of the universe and he not only holds these dreams and loves them, he dose what is one of the hardest things, he dose not give them to us till we need them and we can handle them.

On of the message that i still remember from harvest is jeff talking about the Israelites and how God took care of them when they just entered into the promise land. It says that God did not give all of the promise land to his children, he said trust me and i will give you what you need, and they did not need nor could they handle all the promise land at once.

But back to ridiculous prayers, right now i am reading a book called "In a pit, with a lion, on a snowy day." And is one of the best books ever, there are a few things that i don't totally agree with but its epic, but i was reading and i can across apart that talked about praying ridiculous prayers and in this case it was a man had lost his axe head in a river wail he was working and he told Elisha, who it said thought a stick in a it floated, but he probably was like well lets just see...." God if this is your will them please let this stick that i thought in bring back to axe head." And you are probably like yah so the axe head came back. Ok hold up lets think about this. A-THis is the Jordan river a is not some wimpy river,B-the density of iron is 7.2 grams per cubic centimeter, and C- iron dose not come to the top and just wait for you to come pick it up. THis was a ridiculous prayer.

But i have one and yes it may be stupid and it may totally not be Gods will and i am ok if it dose not happen. BUt i love it. Why cant i ask my God for something i want. Why should i not. He tells us prayer is how we talk to him and how my prayer may not be as big as anyone else's but why should i hold my tongue for that reason. SO my ending question is what is something that is totally ridiculous that you are going to start praying for. :)

The lost fair-well post

I as sitting in a room with posters no longer on the walls, carpet that no longer has a bleach stain on the far wall where i try to fix the mistact of my dog eating my pen top so all the ink leaked out of it, or the explosion of red ink where i seemed like a good idea to vacuuming uo the grading pen that i felt way to lazy to pick up from the floor, the noise of my door closing echos in my room and in my heart. My feet are on there way to a full recovery from my heels last night and my belongings are slowly finding there home in bananas box's placed at random in my room.

I am now a graduate of the Winston Churchill class of 2010.

I am leaving in less then 24 hours to go to my job in Colorado and will be saying good bye temporally to my friends, family, and San Antonio. But some place in my life i had to say goodbye to forever. Winston Churchill High school, My teachers, and my fellow class mates, and my house that has been home for 10 years.

I am venturing to the see of greatness though. I am going to the job i have waited 7 years for, the school that i have shed my tears over for the fact of uncertainty, and the car that is the most ghetto veical on the plant. The VW bug that i am taking with me to college.

At the begging of this year i hosted a New Years eve party and we had everyone wright down what they wanted this year to host for them. Mine was that i wanted to live Passionate Adventures. As i am packing up what feels like my life i am thinking about the adventures that i have had wail here in SA and the adventures to come in CO, and WA. I think about the people who have walked with me on my adventures and what they have meant to me.

I don't know what to expect or even think about with what is to come but i am ready to venture into the unknown. To take the steps, and i will be homesick in the beginning but i know that in time that will pass but the memories will not and the hope that the people will continue to walk with me. :)

I love ya'll, and i can't wait to share stories and memories with you for many years to come.

The Lady and the Genteman

I am constantly reminded of my family's strength. But the two that i want to talk about are my closest siblings. And I know that my parents are two of the strongest people on the freaking plant, and in no way do i want to take anything away from that, and i have about 5 other things that i want to post about but this is oin my heart right now and i need it to come first.

I am reminded of Katy's strength everyday. The strength to hold my secrets and hurt along with her's. The strength to be vulnerable. The strength to included me no matter what. The strength to see me when no one else can. The strength to keep asking questions, the strength to keep sharing answers. The strength to stop me. The strength to say i am sorry even thought she is saying it to some who needs to say it as well but knowing they may not. The strength to keep forgiving. The strength to take the knife from me even knowing that i will fight to keep it with the knowledge that she will get hurt in the struggle, and that it will happen again next week. Katy is a Women of God. Katy is a Lady. (Styx- LADY WHEN YOUR WITH ME I'M SMILING!!)

I am reminded of Steven's strength daily. The strength to show me kindness as i am preparing on leaving home to some degree forever. The strength to hear my hard words and except them with grace and humbleness, even if they where not said in that manner. The strength to say i am sorry to someone he could pulverize in 5 seconds flat. The strength to loose wail watching the person who won with complete peacefulness and joy for that person. Having the strength and courage to be a man of vulnerability. Having the strength to stand up for a group of girls who where being degraded by one of his friends and he said NO!!! Having the strength to be in a bad place yet all that he did was right with out insulting or offending anyone. Me and Katy get to see Steven strength everyday and i will never forget what Katy said one night and i could not even say anything because there was no way to add on to it, it was prefect.......She said "Steven i would not want anyone else protecting me other than you." Steven is the brother to four sister, some older some younger. But he has the ability to look into each one and see something that no one else can see, and define that for us. Steven is a Man of Strength. He is a Gentleman.

Anticipating

I am still waiting, its just for different things. I am fine with waiting..... Kinda. :) But i don't know if i came really call them waiting when they are a happy things, funny things, and just things that make me smile so i am not really going to say waiting because that's to sad sounding; lets say....anticipate. :)

Right at this second.....
I am I a place of waiting for my stupid grade on parent portal because it has not changed since last month.

Today.......
I am waiting for my head to feel like its not going to fall off my body because i rock out pretty hard with time, Steven, Mercy Me, family force 5, and David Crowder last night. (Now that is what worship sound like)

This week......
I am waiting for God to provide the answers as to how the heck i am going to be able to afford going to MBI with no way of loans. I knew this but it is becoming more of a question with me getting in.

In general........
Graduation. :)

Redcloud

Two C&M wedding

NO MORE ECONOMICS!!!!!! Even thought i have enjoy our little chats and then are intense flirting it is time to part our separate ways. Its not you its me. I just need someone who is not going to consumer all of my time, by measuring our relationships

To be free of Kash and Kyle W. Although i have enjoyed your childish games, and insecure comments filled with unintelligent sarcasm. I will just have to move on wail you spend yet another summer or school year in high school. (there are really good kids i think but they have just made some really poor choices)

Senior dinner, tea, open house stuff.

Someone to BUST A MOVE!!! (I am listening to Pandora and a gLee song just came on.):) (can you just imagine someone breaking out in song or dance ANYWHERE?! that would be epic!!)

To have required art projects.

To have Katy home.

To have a huge event happen to put with my reminder of this year from new year's eve. Even thought i have had a few so far.(And no this is not suppose to make sence)

Probably a long time from now.......
To have my little romance(B & K)

Waiting on the Lord

In Sunday school this week a guy named Andrew lead worship and it was really good but he really hit on waiting on the lord. As many of you know i have been waiting for some time of my acceptance letter from moody and this week i fond out that i have been excepted to Moody Spokane which is there campus in Washington. I have waited a long time for this knowledge and have cried, lost sleep, and became angry by waiting. But one thing that hit me wail hearing Andrew talk over waiting on the lord after knowing that was when he quoted Psalm 27:13-14

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

He also says that waiting is not fun. And oh so true, but waiting is so important in our walk as Christians. What my waiting brought was contentment. It funny but i said that i was content before i found that i was not excepted for early decision. Truth be told i was not. But i have learned so much these past 9 week or so, I became aware of my need for God. I have grown in my walk like i never have before. Knowing and trusting he with all that i hoped and longed for was hard at first but when i really started believing it, life became so easy. I have loved how my life has been peaceful and just about living to the fullest and serving him. I discovered what my spiritual gifts where, desires i had, hopes i had killed, and new butterfly's in my stomach.

I took a break from blogging as you may had seen and i am planing on being back now but i would recommended most diffidently that if you are in a place of confusion detox form technology for just a small amount of time and go get coffee with someone else. IT helped me. But i am a little different then other people. :)

I am not working on finishing extremely strong in AP Macro Economics's. Working on about 20 art projects that i will get done before the end of the year. Graduation invitations, senior dinner and tea, and lost of college and summer job stuff. Its quite epic.

But to sum up this post...... waiting on the lord is really hard and its not full of easy times but it is the time where you find who you are in Christ and how to live instead of a mundane life style and i came out in a pretty good spot. :)

Songs i listened to on Pandora wail writing this post......
gray or Blue
Jaymay

Little Romance
Ingride michealson

Be ok
Ingride Michealson

Breath In
Frou Frou


How Lucky We are
Meiko

You and I
Ingrid Michealson

Better
Regina Spektor

*All I Want Is you
Tristan Prettyman

Happier
A Fine Frenzy

Reasons to love you
Meiko

Anyone can cook/ cooking with my cousins

So i know that i have taken FOREVER to post and i am sorry. But my cousins are KICK BUTT awesome cooks and i would just like to say that the title of this post is not a reflection on them but on me and Steven. :) Now here are my most excellent recipes for the month of march........

French Crepes
I made crepes with my cousins wail i was on spring break in Phoenix, and they are SUPPER easy to make.
The recipe is just flour, sugar, eggs, salt, milk, and butter.
Mix the dry ingredients together, then mix the butter, milk, and little beaten eggs together and them pour that in with the dry bowl. After it is all mixed and soft looking grab a 1/4 cup and your ready to go.

*Things to remember......
1-Brush the pan EVERY time before pouring the batter in.
2-Pour the batter and then move the pan so you get a nice, even, thin, crepe.
3-And my last advice to you is be bold, flip the crepe. As Julia said you have to have enough courage.Take that risk and laugh if you fail and perfect it for who you are. :)

Greek Taziki Sauce
This sauce will give you one of the best dip/condiments of all time. I also think that it is a really good healthy substitute to sour cream sometimes.
It is Greek yogurt, chives, lemon, garlic, parsley, salt, pepper, and cucumber.
*CAUTION* this is a recipe that depends on how and what you like, you will want to try it your self first and then make it the way you like it. And it takes time to getting it right every time. I will not tell you the cup and tablespoon amount for me but i will say, don't do a lot of lemon it can over power it, garlic takes time to really develop its flavor, and the cucumber needs to be dice but still pretty big so that you get a good amount of it and a nice texture.

Peanut butter Kawala crisp bars
this is a really good but healthy alternative to rice crispy treats. It is honey, coco powder, peanut butter, and Kawala Crisps(organic cereal). You heat up the peanut butter and honey. once they are pretty smooth you pour in the coco powder and after that is all mix in you pour in the Kawala crisps and mix together it all. After its pretty cool put it into a pan where you push it some what together so that you have thick bars. then cut and enjoy.

Last is Sausage pasta(of cores i wrote a pasta post)
Aunt Terry made this really good pasta that me and mom remade/ tried to make.Aunt Terry's was spice sausage, marinara pasta and then a mild sausage marinara version. Me and mom worked with what we had which was a mildly spice sausage pasta with whole wheat penne rigate pasta. The sauce was a marinara sauce with white wine and tomatoes, and we put it in with the sausage when it was about done. It was fantastic and of course we put Parmesan cheese on the top which little eminently melted on to it. :)

These recipes where really good and the fact that they all where done with or associated with my family makes them even better. My cousins and me had not hung out really since i was little and i went to phoenix with Katy for spring break so just hanging out with them once again was really amazing and i miss them very much. LOVE Y'ALL TONS!!!!!

Dark Chocolate Cheesecake

The crust


CHOCOLATE!!!!!


What is in it. :)


Where getting there


Mixing time


Pouring the mixing the crust




Its so beautiful *snifful


Where supper amazing!!!!!

"What do you love to do?" .............."EAT!!!!!!"

So the month of February went by and its now time to post my cooking blog. I have pictures and so i could not post this with out them and so i had to wait for when my moms computer fond its way back to me. SO here are my recipes........

First for single awareness day formally known as valentines day me and my mom made a FABULOUS dessert. It is a dark chocolate cheese cake. It consist of......(this is so good that i actually decide you had to make it just as it says with out "i thinks" mixed with it.)

Ingredients

Crust

• 24 chocolate wafer cookies (from one 9-ounce package)
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, melted

Filling

• 1 9.7-ounce bar Scharffen Berger 70% Cocoa Bittersweet Chocolate,* chopped
• 4 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, room temperature
• 1 1/4 cups plus 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (preferably Scharffen Berger)
• 4 large eggs

Topping

• 3/4 cup whipping cream
• 6 ounces Scharffen Berger 70% Cocoa Bittersweet Chocolate,* chopped
• 1 tablespoon sugar

OR

• Bittersweet chocolate curls

Preparation

For crust:
Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter 9-inch-diameter springform pan with 3-inch-high sides. Blend cookies in processor until finely ground; blend in sugar. Add melted butter and process until well blended. Press crumbs evenly onto bottom (not sides) of prepared pan. Bake just until set, about 5 minutes. Cool while preparing filling. Maintain oven temperature.

For filling:
Stir chopped chocolate in metal bowl set over saucepan of simmering water until melted and smooth. Remove bowl from over water; cool chocolate until lukewarm but still pourable. Blend cream cheese, sugar, and cocoa powder in processor until smooth. Blend in eggs 1 at a time. Mix in lukewarm chocolate. Pour filling over crust; smooth top. Bake until center is just set and just appears dry, about 1 hour. Cool 5 minutes. Run knife around sides of cake to loosen. Chill overnight.

For topping:
Stir cream, 6 ounces chocolate, and sugar in heavy medium saucepan over low heat until smooth. Cool slightly. Pour over center of cheesecake, spreading to within 1/2 inch of edge and filling any cracks. Chill until topping is set, about 1 hour. Do ahead: Can be made 3 days ahead. Cover with foil and keep refrigerated.

Release pan sides. Transfer cheesecake to platter. (Top with chocolate curls). Let stand 2 hours at room temperature before serving.

SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!

The next recipe that i did was spaghetti and yes this is a little lame after our chocolate cheese cake fiasco but it was still fun to make and eat. And i am not trying to be Martha Stewart meats Babara Walters. But i made it with already made in a jar sauce and whole wheat noodles which where actually really good. Topped with parmasan cheese and toasted bread with butter it was quite enjoiyable. I put a little parmasan cheese in with the noodles after i drained the watter and it was a little weired but it made it a liitle more fun. But tricks that i use when i make pasta are......

• Put your faucet on just hot water and let it heat up so you start with hot water and don't have to wait as long for it to boil.
  
• Put olive oil in with the noodles and water so they wont stick together after you drain them and so they don't have a weird texture if you put olive oil in after you've drained the water.
  
• wine makes any pasta sauce better. But there's a line don't cross it.

The third thing i made this month was more PASTA!!!!! ok so this is kinda cheating kinda not. I wanted to improve or try changing up my homemade pasta recipe that me and mom invented. The cream and Parmesan cheese one. What i did was used angel hair pasta instead of normal/ spaghetti noodles and it really dose make a difference. Its so much thinner and i think it makes all the difference. And instead of fresh tomato on top i put shrimp in. It was supper good. I think that it could be better than the tomatoes. :)

My forth and final recipe is cookies. I made chocolate chip cookies but made them all different. I made Heath bar chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter chocolate chip(best result is with the peanut butter chips instead of using plan peanut butter from the jar, less oil.) And the ones that i liked the best but where a little weird were snikerdoodle chocolate chip cookies. You make the doe and after you start rolling it and its in the shape you want you roll it in cinnamon-sugar. And some may think this sounds gross but i wanted to make something different and we did not have a hole bunch of stuff.

Those are the 4 for this month and well see if i can get more created next month. :)MAKE THE CHEESE CAKE, ITS AWESOME!!!!!!!! :)

Whiplash. haha you don't know why its called this yet. hehehe I think im very funny. :)

what two say. I have no idea where to start.

Images that come to my head are a painting on display in a museum being critiqued, a episode from fairly odd parents on emotion, Francis chains radical video, and a heart enthroned with pain.

I am the painting, unique beautiful and different. I have been a a museum hall for as long as i can remember. And as people passed me by they enjoyed, watched and saw things that where hidden to them over the years. i never thought anything of it. I was given encouragement and love thought out my time there, and i grew. My colors changed, some faded and some glowed over the years. I working on finding out what i was going to be. But one day i was moved to a new hall in that museum. And i enjoyed the life i had there but thought of the old room i use to be sometimes. After sometime i was able to return on a short expedition to my old little hall. But i was not embraced with open arms; i fond that it was changed. The people that once passed by me and looked on with kind eyes had a tune of disappointed written all over them. They were filled with harsh, ugly, judgmental words. They watched what i did wail i was there. How i appered, what frame i wore, and just how i interacted with my old friends in my similar hall. And if i did anything that demed me unworthy of their time i diffidently heard about it or saw their discontentment. After my expedition was over i when back to my second hall but fond that i was not feeling right. Like i have a new adventurer coming to take me to wear i will truly feel right but i don't know what to do until then. And that disheartens me.

Fairy odd parents is a show i watched with Steven in jr. high. There is an episode where Timmy(the main character) asked his fairy god parents (Cosmo and Wanda) to take away his emotions. And of course you can't just wish them away so they have to come out of you and be put in a box. well timmy has to go to school but he can't allow his emiontons to fall into the wrong hands so Cosmo the most unintelligent and irresponsible of the trio is left in charge of them. The since that comes to mind this week and this weekend was where Cosmo opened up the box and all the emotions ask out who they are against each other. So Angry started beating up Happy, Jealousy and Envy argue about who love's Love more, Fear is hiding under the bed, and bravery is about to jump out the window with common sense is telling him that he should not do it. Wail Cosmo is in terrible trouble telling them all to stop and to put them in the box witch them came out of. And wail its quite comical it was what felt like my life this past week/weekend. All my emendations where out of control wail i was frantically trying to act and be presentable.

Francis Chain has this video that is quite amazing that i really like. Is just a small clip but it is really awesome and it talks about being a radical christian which is something that i am wanting to have more of in my life. And i have spent 10 min. looking of the quote and have not fond it yet so i am going to post this and them add it latter.

But the heart in pain is just a picture in my head right now and maybe a better way to put it is i have a heavy heart. Just maxed out on life. But it is feeling liter, because i meat with Francie today and we talked about who god was. Like we where talking about these thoughts and some other things that i am going thought and them we stopped and started listing off characteristics and just saying who God is and for all my emotions and questions he was the answer because he causes all thing to happen for good, he loves me aboundently, he knows what those people are going thought, and he has all in his hands and under control and i don't have to worry. These where jsut a few of my thoguths about him ofcourse the list was much longer. But i jsut need to wright and get them down and out away from me so i would not worry about them any more. It just m getting them out. SO sorry for my whiplash y'all i did not give you very much clarity hu? Well a cooking blog is coming so just hold on till then. :)

the mashmellow wall.

So i promised Francey that i would post this and so that is the meaning behind this.

On Tuesdays i meet with my mentor Francey. I look forward to it every week. I totally completely love it. Me and her are very similar which makes it so fun to meet her. We have been reading a book right now and so we read a chapter every week and then talk about it.

But the marshmallow wall is a example that i used to describe how i feel like we need to act. And it was all that i could come up with. It shows the 2 sides of a Godly women. We need to be soft and yet still protective of our hearts at the same time. The marshmallow wall is soft and still lovely wail dealing with conversations and just life in general. But you still need to protect your self in the area of not having gossip and hard times and yes it gets sticky and deformed sometimes when life gets hard and it beats you down. But the wall enables you to show and give love and be a good example, But you are not mean and harsh. You are soft, sweet, pure, comforting, and lovely. wail; still being protective,smart, and a women of integrity.

And that is the marshmallow wall.

Julie & Julia

A movie that i saw over winter break was Julie & Julia. It is a beautiful movie about two extraordinary women who face huge struggles in different time spectrum's and how one impacts the other.

How such is Julia Child is a wife of a diplomat who is located in Paris. Julia looks for a hobbies wail they are stationed there and finds a huge talent hidden in cooking. She goes on to wright a cook book and it ends up in the hands of a Mrs. Julie Powell 40 some odd years latter. Julia is a 30, underemployed new yorker who is looking for a way to allow her inter writer to come out. But as i said she comes across a cook book that changed her life. She started a blog stating in the begging that she was going to cook 524 recipients in a time period of 1 year. They both faces every obstacle possible but continues down these crazy journey.

Well i am not a Julie or a Julia but i am taking on a challenge. I am going to cook 4 recipes at least every month and then wright about them to you. I will offer challenges that i faced and ideas to change or make the recipes even more amazing for special occasions. And i know i missed the ball on January but i did make a few things i helped with that my mom made. Our success came from The Pioneer Woman Cooks, and Bon Appetit. But that dose not include our awesome improvements. :)

1- We made a amazing pasta dish consisting of minced garlic, shredded Parmesan cheeses, olive oil, white win, half & half, and butter because butter makes everything better. Put in garlic and olive oil first after the garlic is melting add in the cheese and wine. After the cheeses is melted put in some half & half. it should be very thin and soupy. Taste it and use your own opinion to see if you need to add any more or if you think its missing something. The sauce was a amazing mixture of creamy light but thin texture but it had a pretty strong taste because of the win. And it was KICK BUTT AWESOMENESS. :)The pasta was simple angle haired with a little bit of olive oil in it to stop it from sticking together. Cook like the instructions say. Heat to a boil, put in for 8 min. with a splash of olive oil, drain and server. We mixed the sauce and pasta together and then finished it off with some very rip and fresh tomatoes, diced them, and sprinkled them on top of the pasta after its severd on plates. Save the rest if you have any and hid it from roommates or your spouse and take it for a easy lunch the next day.
*This recipes can also be used for a wonderful dip. Just change out the pasta with toasted bread and you have a superb dip for a curtail event or a snack dinner for two.

2-I made a rice crispy treat dessert and yes this is Jr. high stuff but it is making it up on the blog as a recipe because i finally was able to use some of my marshmallow puff mixture that i got for my survival kick form my friends at the beginning of the summer. Yes i mean June 10 of 2009 was when i got it. But luckily for me and the puff stuff it NEVER expires and i had never opened it so it was still air compressed or what ever its called. I used both marshmallows and the puff stuff because i did not have enough real marshmallows so the last ounce was puff. Heat 4 tablespoons of butter up in the microwave(best invention ever) then put in your marshmallow and puff and heat up on high for about a minuet and a half till they are a could of sugar goodness. DO NOT watch them exploded, its not worth it. :) Them add in about 7 cups of the rice crispy's. After all mixed up put in a like 9 by 13 pan and wait till they are cooled. It was really good and it was all gone by 11 o'clock that night. :) it was made with love which is how you must always enter the kitchen or your food will never be a success. Or so said my very wise head chef boss sir. Otherwise know as Mr.sir or Todd.
*Thoughts for next time Wail heating up the marshmallows but in both red and blue food coloring to make a black color. And use chocolate rice crispy instead, to make a Halloween or just different treat.

3-OK to start the new year right Me and my mom made a cake that was GREAT!!(Bon Appetit). Its a devil's food cake with peppermint frosting which is composed of two cakes with coco powder in it and so it is a dark bitter but very good chocolate cake. With a chocolate ganache and white chacolate cream in between cake layers. You cut the cakes in two so you will have four layers. So it will be cake, ganache, cream, cake, ganach, cream, cake, ganache, cream, cake. You can them make the pepermint frosting by hand, or for new years eve drissle the remander ganache on the whole thing.
*You WILL need to put strais into the ckae so that it dose not fall over.

4- Another pasta we made was a shrimp tomato pasta(from The Pioneer Woman Cooks). Which had Shrimp, olive oil, onion, garlic cloves, white wine, tomato sauce, heavy cream, basil, pepper, and butter because butter makes EVERYTHING better. Pasta is pasta so make it like you normally would. We put half the butter and olive oil in a pan first on medium heat after butter is metaled cook shrimp in it for 2 min. Then put the remaining olive oil and butter in a new pan and add garlic and onion (both diced) cook till they become golden and translucent. Pour in wine, then the tomato sauce after the wine has sat for a min. Reduce heat to low and then add cream. Strum together and then add the shrimp. after mixing that put in the basil and pepper(and parsley but we where out), mix, add pasta stir and LOVE!!!

If you would like to get the exacts measure for these recipes let me know but really measures are not as much fun as going at it with your kitchen. :) I hope you will follow my journey but even start your own. But i will end this blog with what i think Julia Child and Julie Powell would by saying........

Bon Appetit!!!