A small part of me......

Have you ever had a part of you that you did not show anyone. That it was filled with things that were so innocent, and young that it turned you into the 7 year old that you truly are. Well i do. This wondrous part of me i have not really shone to anyone. And what makes it so magical it that it open's up at certain times with out warning. My places has many keys in unlocking what magical dreams lie with in it. And one of the keys was found.

I love star wars. It is one of my favorite things about growing up. Its one of the childish things that i always think of my dad when i hear the name. I have been remembering some of the star wars movies, by watching them in order of when they where made. There is a room filled with these secrets in my place but this is not what this blog is about. this was the first half of our key. But the whole key is what i am writing about today. So i was already feeling like a kid again when me and my roommates started talking about halloween and memories we have. One of them talked about her favorite costumes and asked about mine. I have a few that come to mind but only one stands out among the other's.

I saw a movie that was absolutely amazing. It was called Arabian Knight. And i market it as my favorite movie. When we were living in portland my grandma asked what i wanted to be for halloween. I picked the princess from this movie. Her name was princess yumyum. And it was the best costume i ever had. The movie stayed my favorite and one of the memories that goes with it is when we had just moved to San Antonio for the second time. At the time we where living in a house that was owned by Wayside. But anyway i got really sick and had to stay at home for a couple days. But i did not have anything to really do but watch TV, So dad drove me to blockbuster and i fond this movie hidden in the rows. I light up and said i only wanting to get that one. When we got home i put it in and drank my awful coke and ate my sateen crackers. I watched that movie every day for like 5 days.

But just talking about halloween brought out this memory. And i went in serch of the name of the movie. After a long search i fond it and looked on youtube where the whole movie is there just cut into small parts. :) It made my day so i started watching it and plan on finishing it tomorrow. :) But i just am so excited to have upend this door. I can honestly say that i was not expecting it but i feel like i am 8 again. :) I know that there are spelling and grammar mistake in this but i really just want to let it stand. I feel like it adds to the idea. And the point of this post was that i wanted to be vulnerable and share this small part of me that you may not know not be 100% right grammatically.

Spectacular in Spokane

So last night me and my roommates had an amazing movie night. We ordered pizza, ate amazing cupcakes and watched both When in Roma, and My sassy girl. It was soooo much fun and now that i have awoken from my pizza coma, and convinced my self to go for a long run to get back into shape, i think that i can type.

I am one week in to my first semester of my freshman year. And 15 and a half weeks away from home where ever that is going to be. But I fond my self just wonder what these next couple of weeks will hold. My list so far of for sure's are.......

Coffee
Walks
Frustration
Reading
Papers
Library dates at several different universe's
Calls to home
Emails on papers
READING!!!!
Coffee
and last but not least the bible

But i thought of just how much i have no idea what it will hold. I have no idea what God is going to do in my life. I don't know that i am going to be here long but i an loving just not knowing. Many of my peers have already started filling out a transfer application to the chicago campus and it dose not make since to me. God put all of us here for a reason, and i am going to live out of that for right now. Now granite i have said and will go by this point, that if i feel God calling me to Chicago that's the day that i will fill out the application. But i love where i am. I weather, the classes, the environment, And just the city. The pace in which it moves. THe ways that its build. It's just so me. :) So right now i am Spectacular in Spokane.

First of first

I feel unable to come up with lots of words right now, but life has been very full and amazing. :)
I finished my first week of my freshman year, hurray!!!

I am so excited for all of my classes and what is happening here. This town suits me soooooo much. I love the way its set up and just the atmosphere of it. But i am aware of what i don't have here, and how its going to be hard at some points. But i am learning so much more about me. The person that i am going to be...... well it feels like the person that i am really going to be is going to form here. Or at least a big part of it will. :) SO i am really tired and i am off to sleep. :)

PS i will be more insightful with more rest.

Complementary songs

In Art class Freshman year one of the first lessons we had was on color and the need for complementary colors. They are the colors opposite and cause the image to feel balanced and equal. Aka it keeps your mind from getting a headache from a painting because of the chaos that it feeling like the subject is going though. I loved these lessons, you learned how to create intreats, passion, uniqueness, and feelings, with the most simplest of things. You allow your painting freedom to express things that you would otherwise be unable to express.

I just read a post from a friend who is in the last stages of waiting. Her husband has been in Afghanistan for the last 4 months and will be home in less than a week. She and her 2 daughters have been surviving for the past 4 months. Lib has had to face and experience things that have pushed her beyond anything that i know she would want anyone else to have to go thought. Her complementary color is missing for her life's painting causing it to be chaotic and headaches to occur. There are however places in the painting that almost have that color in it, but it is actually not the color that is needed because its a mixture of the color and her color. However beautiful and pure it is not the one true color that is needed.

As i anticipate the reuniting of the two colors i think of more complimentary elements. One thought dance, smiles, and many others.

It makes me think of my complementary color. I know its out there, even if i am not sure of where it is yet, i am aware of the idea of what it could be. What color it could be, and just the knowledge that i have encounters complementary things before, and they are a joy to see and experience.

Right now my itunes is on shuffle. A habit that a friend thought me. A song from an album that i recently acquired is playing. I have heard a lot of songs from this album and this is one of my favorites. There are sounds on this album and on my itunes that complement this album. That make me smile just as much as i did the day i got the album.

Right now i have no complementary color, but i have an idea of what it could be and i have complementary songs. :)

So yes i am still alive and breathing. I have just been in a place of, i can't wright because i am living, and not that i am not living right now i am just in a place where life needs to be lived though words.

This summer changed my life. I fond new things. Friendships where made, loss was experienced, tears where let out, blood was shed, faith was fond, and life was lived.

I am different in how i view life, in how i felt like me and where i let myself slid. I miss everyone and everything form this summer and wish sometimes for more time. But that was not my path. And i will stay on my path. Even if it is narrow. I know that none of this is making since but its eclectic and weird and i enjoy it. :) It feels like i have no words just pictures come to mind so here are some to go along with this post.

Just words on a page that talk about living.

I have a completely filled heart. This week i fond my self feeling like i am living. I am disappointed to say that i check out last week and it sucks, I missed so many amazing things that i could have been a part of and so at the beginning of the week i talked to my roommate, and i said that i am going to be a part of this week. I was going to live.

To live here is the most amazing thing of all time.

I lived by
-Working on a high ropes in the dark from 7 to 11, because we where going to have a youth group face changes together.

-Hiking Handie's at 6 to peak and watch the sun set and then hike down it in pitch dark.

-To plan both a water fight, and a Christmas focused scavenger hunt.

-To just stay here to focus on helping before on my self.


Life is full. And i am loving it. Its hard and there has been plenty of hard things that have been resting on my heart, but i have to feel to live, no matter what the feeling are. I am just trusting God with what life will bring and what it looks like to have change, but he is going to take care of me so i can do is sit in that. I wish that i was not half way thought the summer it has gone and is going way to fast.

Me but maybe not me

hello readers,

Well i am just about at the half point of my summer. I have seen God in so many new and exciting ways. I have probably over 50 new brothers and sister in christ. And none of that had anything to do with me. I have been pushed, shrunk, streched, scracked, and stuffed into a tea pot. I am not who i was when i left San Antonio 4 weeks ago.

BUt with my life now in a place of change i do believe that i am still trying to figure out who i am. Being a camp counselor has caused me to question who i am, i know my dreams and they have not changed, but i find my self not requiring my self to be as serious, or mature up here. I chased two of my friends all over campus because we were having an epic marshmallow battle. I say and act differently then i have in what feels like a long time. And there are parts of me that really enjoy that but it feels disruptive to my past in these place where this is not who I am. It feels as if the wall of my life have turned to jell-o and they no longer hold the same things. There atoms have been disrupted. I don't know if it is the feeling of freedom or just because that high energy is what the kids have given me. BUt questions and feeling have been awaken in me.

Yet in the midst of this abrupt feelings, i have peace. A peace that no one can give you. It is only from God. It is the whisper of " You are mine, you are in my hands, and you just need to rest in what i am doing." i know who i am. But i think that this is me fighting for who i am going to be. Redcloud has been a place of safety but i have always had a label on me, that label is no longer on me, and neither is the label of high school student. I am my own person. I am reminded of the quote from Alice in Wonderland where alice says," From the moment i fell down that rabbit hole i’ve been told what i must do and who i must be.........I've been accuesed of being alice and of not being alice but this is my dream .ill decided where it gose from here." Yet she was Alice and her path was always before her. She took the path that was laid without out knowing where it would lead her yet it took her to the answers that she needed to hear. Which was who she was. My nickname up here is Wonderland. And my path is leading me to a place that i can not understand and grasp but i have a very strange feeling that by the end of this journey i will find a very similar answer to Alice's. I think that God is showing me who i need to be and what i want to be. And how to achieve getting my muchness.

THe Hatter- "Your not the same as you where before
You where much more muchyer
You have lost your muchness . "

Alice- "My muchness?"

The Hatter- "In there somethings missing."