SABOTAGE

Sabotage
in the dictionary its listed as...

Sabotage

–noun

1.	any underhand interference with production, work, etc., in a plant, factory, etc., as by enemy agents during wartime or by employees during a trade dispute.

2.	any undermining of a cause.

–verb (used with object)

3.	to injure or attack by sabotage.

-Synonyms:
3. disable, vandalize, cripple.

Thesaurus


Sabotage
-Definition: incapacitate, damage
-Synonyms:
attack, block, bollix, break up, cripple, deep six, destroy, disable, disrupt, do in, do*, foul up, frustrate, hamper, hinder, louse up, mess up*, obstruct, put out of action, put out of commission, screw up, subvert, take out*, throw a monkey wrench into, torpedo, undermine, vandalize, wreck
-Antonyms:
abet, aid, fix, help

I refer to my self doing this a lot. Working hard to listen and protect my self with truth and love and then in a period of 5 seconds completely annihilate it. Why is it that we can do this. Why dose it take so long to build up truth and then to be able to destroy it so fast. Questions i want to know and fix. Any thoughts?

Old thoughts that has been lingering....

Cinderella

So I don't know why i am writing but i have thoughts and i need to put them somewhere.

Yesterday....

• I took my SAT

• Looked all over the place for a candle lighter but only fond "glass slippers" that are actually plastic that mom used in a bridle showers a couple of years ago.

• I am watching A Cinderella Story right now.

• I watched Another Cinderella Story yesterday.

• And I herd every fairly tale song on my ipod yesterday.
  

I have seen a lot of Cinderella things and been thinking about my life/singleness (I am a girl sew me.)Which I am totally fine with right now. But one thing that has been bothering me was that wail I was watching the movies I never was really at ease with it. And I think it really hit me today that I don't want to be Cinderella. I never was that girl who was into that step mom, evil sisters, prince charming stuff. I was a Bell and Jasmine, I never wanted to be Cinderella. And the reason why I because princes charming did not know who Cinderella was. It was fate that brought them together and he could have just let that night be and find some one else, but the thing is that he fell in love with a girl he did not even know. I want my "prince" to know who I am and still stay. That he would see me and how my life has been and what my dreams are and still stay. and if I run off back to my old world of silences and tolerance of crap that he would run after me and take me back to the ball and say thins is your place but he knows who I am. I know that its not going to happen anytime soon but these were the thought on my mind

I created this Sunday, May 03, 2009. Its wired to think that that was not that long ago and yet some much has changed. I keep a lot of the same feeling but a lot have changed as well.Life changes so fast that if you try to keep everything the same you will end up loosing your self, or more. :)

Resue

Music gets to me in big ways. I have a annual song of month. Which is a song that i choose that i believe would be on the sound track of my life. This month is Rescue Seabird.

Seabird was a band that i got introduced to when i went to the David Crowder Church Music Concert(AWESOME!!!) they were the first opening band for Crowder. They had an epic side to them that i loved. They where like a mix of coldplay, Robbie Seay band and i guess Phil Wickham. But anyway i bought their CD and have really enjoyed them. One of the songs i herd at the concert and fond my self listening to a lot once i got home was Rescue. Yet i never really got all the words until i looked them up and this is what i discovered............

Play and read a long(Its sooo much better listening as you read)
http://www.last.fm/music/Seabird/_/Rescue

Lyrics to Rescue :
I'm pushing up daisies, I wish they were roses
I feel like I'm drowning but nobody knows it
I'm pushing up daisies, I wish they were roses
I feel like I'm dying, just want you to notice

somehow the grave has captured me
show me the man I used to be
just when I feel my breath is running out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
cuz you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, I reach for you
you are my rescue
you are my rescue

I'm swimming to safety, but even with my best
if I don't see that rope soon, this might be my last breath

somehow the grave has captured me
show me the man I used to be
just when I feel my breath is running out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
because you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, I reach for you
you are my rescue

don't let me drown
can you hear me
cuz I am
"drawlin out" (not sure)
I'm underground
won't you pull me out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
because you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, I reach for you
you are my rescue
you are my rescue
yeah, you are my REScue
yeah! you are MY resCUE

I'm pushing up daisies, I wish they were roses
I feel like I'm dying, just want you to notice...

How great is this? :) I love how is being found, yet being unworthy.

A lot of things have happened in my life that changed me from who i use to be; i am not ungrateful for those experiences because they expanded my horizons on life and pushed me towards youth ministry but for a long period of my life i was lost. I lost my self unknowing who i was or how to get back to a place where i was happy and joy filled. Which was why the part in the song that said "somehow the grave has captured me, show me the man I used to be, just when I feel my breath is running out." Really got to me. And how over the last 3 years i have fond my self because i found Christ which is what the entire choirs is.

I was really stuck by my moms post on October 6 really got to me....
It can be read here- http://tracyawesome.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/10/sonic-moment.html

I fond joy again and this song felt like it came at the right time for me when i created my blog. It captured my words. And i hope you enjoy it as much as i did. I recommend the whole album to anyone. I love it and listen to it almost everyday.

Not My Day

Today has not been my day. I have now locked my keys inside of my car for the first time, and had my side mirror completely removed from my car.

hahahahahahaha

I am sorry but this is really funny to me. Yes i am laughing this is my first mud pile since starting my blog and it makes me laugh. I mean i was not laughing when right as my door was shutting i realized my keys were on the front seat and could not stop the door in time to correct the mistake or when i was walking up to my car after seeing my school payed for movie and noticing that a part of it was missing and laying on the ground next to it.

Yet i am laughing because as i think about today i smile. I have had some really kind and wonderful things happen to me today and the normal thing to do is freak out about the bad and miss the good. But i don't want to do that. I have had a amazing day so far and its going to be even better when my Grandparents get here in less then four hours.

This day reminds me of this summer. I worked all summer at a christen camp and got to see a lot of things go wrong. Including sickness, pain, sadness, and fear... yet i never felt worried about the bad because first i had amazing people around me that encouraged me but also let me encourage them, and secondly we knew that our troubles where coming from the devil and that he was trying to stop us from sharing the gospel and blessing the families and kids that where coming to Redcloud for camp. What an encouragement!!!!! Satan is so scared of what God is doing in us that he puts us down and try's to stop us, yet by doing that we are used more by God. hahaha did that plan backfire or what? :) And as i thought about my day i shared that i was a christen to the guy who opened my car and helped me out, and i encouraged a fellow believe who i sat next to in the movie theater who i had never really talked to.

Am i a threat?

I think i may be. DUDE THAT'S SOOO TOTALLY WICKED!!!!!! (Squirt-Finging Nemo)
So as i look back on this day i do laugh at my mistakes but that i would also be encouraged by today that I'm a threat, and that i am being used for the kingdom and that is all that i really want to do. Sweet.

I hope that if you are having a crappy day today that you came be encouraged by these thoughts.

Why the Muddy Smille?

Hey y'all!!!
Welcome to my blog. Its purpose is to share my thought on life, joy, and passion. I hope to be able to be me thought writing, Although i enjoy writing i am a terrible speller and my thoughts are VERY spasmodic and so they will not run together a lot of the time, so be prepared. But i come from a family of very advanced and exceptional writers, which dose not bother me it only encourages me more to become one of the greats in my own fun way. Many of my first blogs will most likely be from the past but i did not want to post them on facebook.

The reason that i named my blog the muddy smile is because i would like to incorporate this in my journey of life both positively and negatively. I want to not have a muddy smile spiritually or emotionally. I never want to be one of those people who acts like life is fine when its not. I am not going to tell you "Oh yes I'm doing good." When i am going thought hardship. I refuse to be plastic and fake. Yet physically i don't mind having a muddy smile. I want to find joy in all i do. I have mud all over me, yet laughing at how i look and how i got into that position. I want to impact with a smile, one filled with grace and beauty even in the sight of mud being on it. I intend to live life to the fullest with good friends and family surrounding me encouraging me to be me and to encourage all around me to have a muddy smile physically but not mentally.

I also want to symbol of mud to always be on my mind because of these verse...
¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the MUD and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

³ He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

These verse comes from Psalm 40: 1-3. I was lifted out of the mud and was cleaned in my lord bloody and put in a robe of righteousness. I never will forget that i am his and that he choose me and no matter what i do i will always be his.

The symbol of a smile is this....

`May the LORD bless you and protect you.
May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you.
May the LORD show you his favor and give you his peace.'

The way i know it is.....

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May his face shine down upon you.
May he be gracious unto you and give you peace.

This blessing is from Numbers 6: 24-26. I love this blessing, its actually what my pastor says to release us from church every Sunday. I have a necklace that my parents brought back from Germany from this summer that is a symbol and the paper that it came on had this blessing in German. I wear it almost everyday. What a wonderful reminder of one of the may things that God has done for us.

To end my first post i want to bless you with this blessing and to say have a wonderful muddy smile week. :)

So...
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May his face shine down upon you.
May he be gracious unto you and give you peace.
Amen.