I have never written everyday for Christmas or the
Advent calendar. I don't really understand advent(which i plan to change this session) and although it starts
tomorrow I am not ready to let go of November.
A week ago was Thanksgiving, and it was wonderful. It was the first Thanksgiving that I have been to in 3 years. Now that is not to say that I did not celebrate Thanksgiving for the past two years, it means that it was not a celebration of what it means to me. Last year I was in Italy and I was serving Thanksgiving dinner to 40 Italians who were attending English camps where we were also integrating the gospel into the lessons. Two years ago I was at a family friend's house that we were living in wail we were trying to buy our home now. I was a mess and on the edge of walking away from the church (not Christ but the church); it was a time that I was not allowing my self to feel anything. I was numb to my life and the idea of ever feeling like I was going to find a place that was safe for me. I terrified of my life, angry with God, and so very lost. This year was the first year since I was a senior in high school to be home for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is different every year, yet there is a wonderful amount of tradition that comes out. Our family comes together, and we start out watching the Macy's Thanksgiving parade wail eating some type of wonderfulness that mom has made. After Santa Clause has waved and passed our screen we laugh at the idea of watching the dog show and then start getting ready for the rest of the day. Depending on how quickly we get dressed we watch/help mom make an epic feast (which we all know she started at 6:15 this morning). We have mash-potatoes the way Steven likes them, great grandma's pumpkin pie with leaves cut out of extra pie crust baked and sprinkled with sugar on top, green bean casserole, stuffing, rolls usually provided by B (along with an appetizer), and many other dishes. In years past we wait for Kim and her sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top to come thought the door with Russ and the boys talking about frying things on the back-porch. In recent years we have watched football, which I am secretly craving to watch, so I never complain about the opportunity to leave the kitchen conversation to take food to the guys. It is a day filled with fellowship.
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is when we go around the table and say one thing that we are thankful for. This year I fond it hard for me to find words for all that I wanted to say. I had an answer that was not bad but it was not all that I had hoped, so I don't want to go into Christmas without putting words to what I am thankful for. So here is my answer as to what i am thankful for.
With looking at the past 3 years I am thankful for how much has changed. And most everyone knows that I hate change. But for every heart ache, fear, faith, courage, friendship, family member, life choice, school assignment, trip, event that has occurred I am thankful. I am thankful for God's grace in not allowing me to come to this table again till I had gone thought everything that has been in these 3 years. The last time that I was at this table on this day I was pretty sure about who I was going to marry, what my life was going to look like, where I was going to go to school, and that my faith was as strong as it could be; I was in a great place. Since that day I have seen my brokenness and put words to it. I have dreamed in bigger ways then I could have imagined, I have stopped composing myself and started seeking to honor who I am and just how BELOVED I am. I have scars and marks that do not define me but remind me of who I was and who I want to be. As I look around this table I am thankful for each of the people here and where you have invited me to more. I am thankful to God for how he is making all things new in me.
A week ago was Thanksgiving, and it was wonderful. It was the first Thanksgiving that I have been to in 3 years. Now that is not to say that I did not celebrate Thanksgiving for the past two years, it means that it was not a celebration of what it means to me. Last year I was in Italy and I was serving Thanksgiving dinner to 40 Italians who were attending English camps where we were also integrating the gospel into the lessons. Two years ago I was at a family friend's house that we were living in wail we were trying to buy our home now. I was a mess and on the edge of walking away from the church (not Christ but the church); it was a time that I was not allowing my self to feel anything. I was numb to my life and the idea of ever feeling like I was going to find a place that was safe for me. I terrified of my life, angry with God, and so very lost. This year was the first year since I was a senior in high school to be home for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is different every year, yet there is a wonderful amount of tradition that comes out. Our family comes together, and we start out watching the Macy's Thanksgiving parade wail eating some type of wonderfulness that mom has made. After Santa Clause has waved and passed our screen we laugh at the idea of watching the dog show and then start getting ready for the rest of the day. Depending on how quickly we get dressed we watch/help mom make an epic feast (which we all know she started at 6:15 this morning). We have mash-potatoes the way Steven likes them, great grandma's pumpkin pie with leaves cut out of extra pie crust baked and sprinkled with sugar on top, green bean casserole, stuffing, rolls usually provided by B (along with an appetizer), and many other dishes. In years past we wait for Kim and her sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top to come thought the door with Russ and the boys talking about frying things on the back-porch. In recent years we have watched football, which I am secretly craving to watch, so I never complain about the opportunity to leave the kitchen conversation to take food to the guys. It is a day filled with fellowship.
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is when we go around the table and say one thing that we are thankful for. This year I fond it hard for me to find words for all that I wanted to say. I had an answer that was not bad but it was not all that I had hoped, so I don't want to go into Christmas without putting words to what I am thankful for. So here is my answer as to what i am thankful for.
With looking at the past 3 years I am thankful for how much has changed. And most everyone knows that I hate change. But for every heart ache, fear, faith, courage, friendship, family member, life choice, school assignment, trip, event that has occurred I am thankful. I am thankful for God's grace in not allowing me to come to this table again till I had gone thought everything that has been in these 3 years. The last time that I was at this table on this day I was pretty sure about who I was going to marry, what my life was going to look like, where I was going to go to school, and that my faith was as strong as it could be; I was in a great place. Since that day I have seen my brokenness and put words to it. I have dreamed in bigger ways then I could have imagined, I have stopped composing myself and started seeking to honor who I am and just how BELOVED I am. I have scars and marks that do not define me but remind me of who I was and who I want to be. As I look around this table I am thankful for each of the people here and where you have invited me to more. I am thankful to God for how he is making all things new in me.
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